Fall Fashion

Fall Fashion 2010

I wanted to link over to my newest fashion post. I've fallen a bit behind, so I'm going to provide links below for the past three weeks of posts I've written on http://www.skirt.com/. I also want to leave you with a beautiful image. These Louis Vuitton boots.

• Fall Fashion 2010
• Dining Out 2010 Style


• A Lesson in Humility


• True Blood Season Finale


• The History and Haunting of Heritage Hall


• All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned From Daria

(Photo Louis Vuitton)

www,skirt.com

As I said earlier this week, I will be posting most of my work on the http://www.skirt.com/. I still want for you to see it if you'd like. Just click on the word fishing below to see it.

FISHING

So, in case you couldn't guess, that's sorta what my latest post was about. I got reeled into fishing (ha!) and had some epiphanies while out on the Chattahoochee River. In case you're wondering, that's me on the left. Turns out I'm really good...just kidding... I'm the worst!

(Photo http://www.smh.com.au/)

Skirt.com

I've recently been accepted as a blogger on skirt.com. What you might finding me doing from time to time now is linking you over to my work on their website. Topics at Skirt include everything from work and family to travel and pet peeves.

My very first post is a tongue-in-cheek look at hologram cell phones, which are expected to be released this year. Looks like we're one step closer to George Lucas technology. Think he'll get any royalties? If you want to take a look at what I had to say, just follow the link below cleverly named Skirt.

Skirt

(Photo Free Images)

She's Having A Baby!

This morning, I got a text from one of my oldest and best friends in the world to let me know that the Grimwade family will soon be three. I've decided to take a pause in my work day (shhh, don't tell) and on my blog to celebrate this tiny miracle that will soon be a part of the world. Of course, Kelly Grimwade is not my first BEST friend to have a baby, so let me just say that I wish I had a blog when Jessica's Kailyn and Ali's Cade were born. So ladies, please take this message for yourselves as well.

For the people that don't know me, kids aren't my thing. I have no harsh feelings towards them, I just personally haven't caught the mother bug (it runs in my family). That being said, I had to excuse myself from my desk and to the bathroom when I heard the news because tears were inexplicably welling up in my eyes. I guess it's all relative when the good things are happening to the ones you love. And I have so much love for my friends, and to see them get what they want in life strangely makes me feel like I'm getting what I want--to see those I care most about happy.

A thought crossed my mind since I heard the good news; when does a baby get its soul? Is it immediatly, or not until after they're literally here and separated from their mother? Well, I certainly don't have the answer to that seeing that I'm not a superior being, but I do have an opinion (no shock there). It seems to me that baby probably gets its soul a little bit at a time. Each time its mother or father caresses the mamma's belly. Each time someone mentions their name. Each time a loved one says a prayer for the little one. So by the time they join the world and get placed in their parents loving arms, the equation is complete--one baby, one soul.

So, Kelly, many blessings to you and all your loved ones during this time of joy! I'll be praying for you till I get that next text. Your still down for this weekend though, right?

(Photo bestpreciousmomentsfigurines.com)

Kristen Stewart

Oh Kristen, Why Is Your Highest Selling Movie Your Worst Acting Job?


The Twilight saga continues to rake in the dough, but good grief, it's the worst acting Kristen Stewart's ever done. While I'll certainly get raked over the coals for saying this, I mean it as a compliment to her. It's my true belief that of all the young stars, Stewart might be the most talented. Aside from her sexual magnetism with Robert Pattinson, she is all wrong for the part of Bella. To make up for letting this sacrilege cross my lips, I'm exposing two lesser known movies she's done right and one I anticipate to be a winner (not at the box office):

The Runaways

Despite what some critics said, I felt the movie was a raw coming-of-age story not glamorizing the rock-and-roll lifestyle, but exposing it for the addictions that tend to break up bands and kill success stories before they're even told. Learning about the hard road travelled by the first all-girl band, The Runaways, should be a rather enlightening experience for younger female generations. Kristen Stewart nailed the part of Joan Jett, and she certainly has that whole teen angst thing covered. Her obvious, but not so obvious, love for Cherie Currie was really moving, and I sensed her pain grow as she witnessed Currie, played by Dakota Fanning, throwing her career away.

The Cake Eaters

This is quite possibly my favorite role played by Stewart. In the film, Stewart plays Georgia who is a young girl with an extreme neurological disorder shortening her lifespan. Wanting to break free and experience life, she seduces a geeky, good-hearted 20-something man named Beagle (played by Aaron Stanford). Unfortunately, the young man discovers that it was Stewart's grandmother who was having an affair with his father while his mother was dying of Cancer. The plot twists and turns through the lives of this small town's inhabitants who all turn out to have more common bonds than they ever knew possible. Stewart's performance was refreshing and no doubt it was challenging to portray the neurological ticks and problems her character faced on a daily basis.

Welcome to the Rileys

Coming to theatres in November, I've already got this one pegged as the kind of movie that makes you feel like someone yanked out your heart with a rusty spoon. James Gandolfini, of Sopranos fame, plays Doug who along with his wife Lois, played by Melissa Leo, lost their only child eight years prior. Each parent has dealt with their daughter's death unsuccessfully and differently. Lois has become agoraphobic and Doug has been having an affair. When his affairee suddenly dies, Doug escapes to Louisiana where he meets Kristen Stewart's character Mallory who reminds him of his daughter. Unlike his daughter, Mallory is an under aged stripper/prostitute. Somehow she manages to reunite the grieving parents, but not without complications.

###

(Photo courtesy Bill Davila/ Startraks)

Fall Fashion

Every summer is the "hottest year on record", but today I proclaim that it must come to an end. I'm tired of endless shaving and sweating and sweating and shaving. Go away over 100 percent humidity, you're ruining my hair. Disappear endless UV sun rays damaging my skin. I long for the more temperate times of fall and the new fashion it brings. So goodbye bright summer colors; you look ridiculous on my paleness anyways.

Summer Summer, Go Away: An ode to fall fashion

Oh glorious fall, how I love thee.

Your golden and crimson leaves-

Will match perfectly with this season's palette

of stylish red dresses and neutral colors.

Splashes of grey and clumps of camel

will adorn the masses-

A perfect ornament

to the silhouette of autumn's warm glow.

The sounds of crunching leaves beneath my nude kitten heels-

and the wind sweeping around my below-the-knee hemline

is just what the doctor ordered

to kick my summer time blues.

###

Atlanta Botanical Garden

It's difficult to keep up your own gardening; there's the trimming, cutting, planting, watering and so much more. Your own garden's always in some sort of transition.

"We're fixing the pond.'' OR "We're repotting our planters."

Whatever the case, home gardens remain in a state of flux and are never quite the way the gardener envisions them. This is why people enjoy going to the Atlanta Botanical Gardens. Here there's teams of landscapers, horticulturists, and others who make these gardens their full time job. The best part: You get to take in the multiple lush gardens with no work. Take notes in the outdoor gardens and stare in awe at the inside life-sized terrariums showcasing everything from desert to tropical plants and atmospheres.

New Addition:

The Canopy Walk offers a chance to view the garden from a Birdseye perspective--literally. Stroll at your own pace while suspended mid-air amongst the trees. Lounge and relax on the sporatic benches and gaze at the Atlanta skyline. It's never looked more beautiful, and you'll swear the air quality is better.

Summer Treats

1. "Cocktails in the Garden": Nothing eliminates that heavy summer heat better than a cool refreshment. Take in the sweet floral smells and sights while basking in the knowledge that the only decision you made today was shaken or stirred.
2. "Garden Chef Demos" : On Saturdays and Sundays at 12 p.m. and 1 p.m., garden chefs use veggies, herbs and more from their edible garden to make delectable treats for viewers. Eat up that day and then use these recipes in your own kitchens.

Other Worthy Stops

1. Fuqua Orchid Center: Ooh-la-la. Orchids aren't just for Mother's Day anymore! You'll find yourself oohing and awwing over the dozens and dozens of breathtaking orchid types. If you thought purple orchids were exotic, you'll flip for this display, and you'll never look at a purple orchid the same.
2. Cascade Garden: Much of the garden touring involves walking, but here visitors get a real chance to relax. Recline yourself onto one of the many available benches and soak up the sun while listening to the calming sounds of falling waters. Feast your eyes on the surrounding flowers like hibiscus bursting with color.
3. Aquatic Plant Pool: Be sure to stop by this massive pool housing lily pads and the biggest frogs you've ever seen

$12-$15. Tues.-Sun. 9 a.m.-7.pm. through October.

Charleston

South Carolina Makes Waves for Vacationers

The best part about Charleston is that you can make this town your own. No matter what you seek in a vacation, Charleston can provide it. If you crave an Epicurean-style trip of endless wine, food and nightlife, you can find it. If you're feeling the explorer within bubbling to the surface, there's no better place to experience art, architecture and historic sites. And for the shoppers out there, the historic downtown area offers a plethora of high-end retail cloaked in 18th century structural integrity.

Points of Interest:

• South Carolina Aquarium: Makes a good pit stop because although it's small, it packs some big punches with a bald eagle, an albino alligator and a two story tank mimicking the mysteries of the deep.


• Cinebarre: This theatre isn't your cookie-cutter AMC. No need to sneak your beer in here because the front is a huge bar surrounded by pool tables and other goodies. After buying tickets (and drinks) from the bartender, head straight back to the stadium theatre seating equipped with counters right in front of each row. Cinebarre boasts a full menu including Princess Leias, which are scrumptious handmade cinnamon rolls served with vanilla cream frosting dip. Guests enjoy full service for the entirety of the movie.


• Magnolia Plantation and Gardens: This 500 acre, 17th century plantation offers a full day of activities, so be sure to dedicate a good five hours (at least!) to take in all the sights. There are several tours including the house, gardens, boat tour, nature train, swamp garden, petting zoo and their newest tour, slavery to freedom. Walking the grounds is truly an astonishing experience, especially the swamp garden where you stand less than 40 feet from 12 foot alligators and countless species of birds.


• Patriots Point Naval & Maritime Museum: Regardless of how you feel about war, you can't help but become swept up in the history and grandeur of the USS Yorktown. This self-guided tour includes multiple sites including a Cold War submarine, a Vietnam support base, Medal of Honor Museum and a planes and flightdeck aboard the USS Yorktown.

Whether you consider yourself an adventurer, romantic, or historian, Charleston can provide what many places can't--all three.

(Picture Magnolia Plantation)

Summer Fun

Get Outta Town

Summer's just a few perfect days away. Before southern heat and humidity becomes unbearable, I suggest you get on the road. My favorite stops include a touch of history, a taste of southern cuisine and a return to nature. It was all a part of Creative Loafing's Summer Guide. We did the research and now all you have to do is take the trip.

Unfortunately, due to print space, I was unable to say all the things I wanted to about my experience at Stately Oaks Plantation. The house tour was absolutely delightful with tour guides knowledgeable not only about the house itself but about the ins and outs of work and family life during the antebellum period. The guides dressed for the period, pantaloons and all. Turns out they work on a voluntary basis making their work all the more impressive.

If you ever feel a call to nature (other than the restroom), you should also check out Tallulah Gorge. The views from the trails surrounding the gorge are absolutely breathtaking. Whether you prefer take the two mile scenic route, or test your strength with the more athletically challenging courses; you're sure to enjoy the peaceful waters and fresh north Georgia air.

Upcoming on the blog: Fun things to do while in Charleston.

(Photo Stately Oaks Plantation)

Fashion Benefit in Atlanta

You can check out my fashion benefit review online at Creative Loafing's Culture Surfing blog. The clothes were killer and the cause was more than worthwhile. The event raised around $5,000 for Alzheimer's and author Jeannette Montgomery Barron sold 150 books.

(Photo Cullen Branch)

My Mother's Clothes

In honor of Mother's Day, which is only a few weeks away, I'm linking the book review I did for Creative Loafing. My Mother's Clothes by Jeanette Montgomery Barron is a simple and powerful tribute to the complicated and wonderful ins and outs of the mother-daughter relationship. While it pertains to her specific situation, it speaks volumes to us all.

The book reflects on her mother's last years with Alzheimer's and the author's use of fashion to reignite her mother's memories. Yesterday, April 27, she appeared in two benefit fashion shows at Saks in Phipps Plaza, as well as two other book signings in Atlanta on April 26 and 28. Proceeds from the show go to the Georgia Chapter's Alzheimer's Association.

My Mother’s Clothes By Jeannette Montgomery Barron. Welcome Books. $24.95; 112 pp.

The Runaways Finally Hits Atlanta

The Runaways released in other cities three weeks ago. But today, the movie finally comes south. For reasons why this movie rocks visit the link below:

http://blogs.creativeloafing.com/screengrab/

(Photo Apparition)

Interview at Creative Loafing

Yesterday, I did my first phone interview with Creative Loafing and it went live today on CL's Culture Surfing.

You can check it out here.

http://blogs.creativeloafing.com/culturesurfing/2010/04/06/a-few-questions-with-ellen-lyle-of-open-collision-dance/

Latest Post on Creative Loafing

One of the most mythical and misunderstood things in this world is the female image. In honor of Women's History Month, (today's the last day!) I went to Hagedorn Gallery and viewed Women's Image. To soak in the last few hours we have, take at look at this post I wrote last week:

http://blogs.creativeloafing.com/culturesurfing/2010/03/22/girls-girls-girls-hagedorn-gallery/

*Okay, this image isn't from the exhibit, but it's a good modern woman!

And the Award Goes to...

Best Nod to Fashion Royalty: Diane Kruger

Well, apparently, the cheese stands alone. And in this case, I'm the cheese. But, I care not because I believe this dress is lovely. Many have commented that it's too old school. Well, if it wasn't for that old school, we would all be at a loss. And last time I checked, when it comes to Coco Chanel, she's not old, she's a classic. To begin, the dress embraces 20s French fashion, which is nothing to be upset over. The black feathers break Kruger's gown into three distinct portions. The top and bottom portion parallel one another, while the frilly middle portion contrasts the two creating balance in its overall form. Don't listen to the critics Kruger, you've got style!

And the Award Goes to...

Bow Down to the Queen

Sexy Sans Sample Size: Queen Latifah

Queen Latifah proves that's sexy doesn't equal a size two. Gown's high points: jeweled shoulder strap, sweeping bust line with matching jewels, soft pinkish/lavender color. The dress alone is a heavy-hitter, but add to that her glowing skin, good hair, and dazzling makeup, and what do you have? This Queen rules the red carpet.

And the Award Goes to...

Hottest Grandma: Dame Helen Mirren

A. Mirren doesn't look like a Grandmother. B. This is not an insult. This dame is a fox. Somehow she manages to balance elegance, a hint of sexy, and still be age appropriate. Truth is, most young women don't have this much style and beauty in their little pinkie. As far as the dress goes, it really is something. Between the sparkling tool over the dress's base and the sheer sleeves, Mirren takes British sophistication to a whole new level. Whatever her secret is, it's definitely working!

And the Award Goes To....

Kathryn Bigelow

Sometimes it has little to do with the fashion, and more to do with the accomplishment.

In the 82 years of the Academy, this year, 2010, is the first time a woman has won BEST DIRECTOR.

This beautiful lady, James Cameron's ex, put him to shame with her win for The Hurt Locker.

So, was it the most stunning dress of the evening. No, but she could have worn a potato sack and the night still belonged to her. It belonged to all women who ever had big dream. Her win is a win for all womankind, that we can achieve, that we can triumph, and we can do it all!

Congratulations, Kathryn Bigelow!

Ladies: Take a Cue from Ms. Sidebe

If forty is the new 20, then some of these ladies aren't even born yet. Remember, you gotta crawl before you walk. That being said, ladies where is your confidence?

Miley, Hannah, whoever you are, you're practically a zillionaire, so act like it. That doesn't mean act like a snotty bitch, but we encourage you to stand up straight, hold those shoulders back, and stick out those ta-ta's. And if it was that your dress was too tight and you were afraid a ta was going to pop out, go a size larger. What does that put you in, a double zero? I heard someone say what a great a figure she has. Of course she has a perfect figure! She's 17! But really, Miley, you are a adorable, talented, and (from the interviews I've seen) a genuine person. So walk that carpet with some confidence girl!

Oh, Kristen, Kristen. We get it, your dark, beautiful, nobody gets you, and you just want to be left alone. Well, you might be in the wrong business. The tragedy is many people don't know how good you really are. Your talented. The Cake Eaters was an excellent movie that didn't get near the credit it should have. And besides the fact that we aren't clear if you like people at all, you're really something. So stop acting so socially awkward. That tortured artist thing is so 1990's.

To Kristen and Miley:

Take a page from Gabourey Sidibe's book. Man, that's one charismatic babe. Never once on camera did I see this brazen, new talent slump over, look bored, or uninterested in being there. Young talent in Hollywood, pay attention to this force because you'll all be reckoning with her for years to come.

Oscar Night: super messes

Super Messes

In some ways, having some of these ladies on here is truly painful. Some have been on the Hollywood radar for years, some have even been considered fashion icons, and some, I've just always liked. But it's time to separate the fashion from the person. Remember, being perfect is not always possible.

1. Mariah Carey: I'm not sure the above applies to Mariah, although she has been around for quite a while. What girl around my age did not bounce around to her award winning Forever Album? Where to start? Color might be appropriate. Plain and simple, navy rarely works on the red carpet (one pass to Hilary Swank who rocked it in 2005, though it might have something to do with her perfect figure). This number has slutty bridesmaid written all over it. And what is this jewel at the hip? It's not that the color doesn't match, it's just seems out of place, like a missed price tag attached.
2. Charlize Theron: First, you are so beautiful, and so many times you have been the beacon of what is correct about the red carpet. But this is not one of those times. The fitting is perfect, the color is beautiful, but then we reach your rosebuds, our eyes never leave them. Little extra goodies like these (the dress's rosebuds, not hers) shouldn't detract our attention from the rest of this dress.
3. Maggie Gyllenhaal: At first, I hated this dress. And after four hours of seeing over and over again, it finally hit me: it's not the dress's fault, it's Maggie's stylist's fault. There's nothing wrong with the dress, necessarily. It's just NOT the correct venue. Truth is, I like the pops of color, it's almost like a canvas, and Maggie was truly stunning. It's just too casual for the biggest night of entertainment.
4. Amanda Seyfried: Another dress I instantly didn't like. First, though I have heard many say it compliments her skin, again no. I too am the color of a sheet, and no matter how many times I reach for light colors, I put them back. This is Armani Prive, quite similar to what Jennifer Lopez wore, but here's the difference: Jennifer filled out the dress, and Amanda, well didn't.
5. Zoe Saldana: I loved you long before any of these people knew who you were. I have seen Center Stage over 20 times recognizing your talent long before Hollywood caught on. But, while I love you, I did not love your dress. I get it, but, no. Much like other critics have said, you've got three distinct styles going on and they just don't meld together. Each one alone is stunning, but all together, it's just one big mess.

Again, each one of you can come back from this. Bad fashion happens to good people and just remember, 2011 is another season for second chances.

Special Dresses: Fave Five

Special Dresses

People might disagree, but Penelope Cruz, Demi Moore, Jennifer Lopez, Elizabeth Banks, and
Vera Farmiga did it right. Each one of these ladies were memorable. One of the biggest crimes this year was all the stars whose black or metallic dresses blended right into the next. I couldn't distinguish one yawn from the next. Secondly, each one of these women carried themselves with grace and confidence, which is the one thing (when lacking) that can ruin an otherwise beautiful dress.

1. Vera Farmiga: This dress was like art. First off, the brilliant pink beautifully complimented her lovely, alabaster skin. Whereas some dress designs kept eyes concentrated in one area, (Charlize Theron) Farmiga's dress design provided a fluidity that took the eye from the very top, swirled it around her frame to its bottom and then brought it back up again. I've heard some critics become quite nasty about her choice; however, I applaud someone who's not afraid to be daring.
2. Demi Moore: It's just not fair. People can say what they want about plastic surgery and all that, but Damn! She looks better now than she did 20 years ago, and we should all be so lucky. And while Demi has made some awful, awful choices in the past, she really nailed it this time. From the blush shade to the fitted bodice and cascading train, Demi somehow managed to coalesce romantic frills and sexy mama all into one little package.
3. Elizabeth Banks: Who knew that this raunchy comedian would transform into such a dazzling princess. Ms. Banks looked like a living, breathing Cinderella. From her sparkly accessories to her form fitting bodice, you just couldn't take your eyes off this breathtaking ensemble. This gown embraced a romantic feel with the flowing train, while still exuding an obvious and modern elegance.
4. Jennifer Lopez: Wow! What a body! Forty years old, and putting all those 22-year olds to shame. No one could carry off this dress as well as J-Lo. This Armani Prive hugs each and every curve all over her jaw-dropping figure. Let's just say, she would have given Marylin Monroe a run for her money. Outside of her goddess-like body, we can't ignore the sheer beauty that was this dress. The main silhouette of the dress, though beautiful, was nothing in compare to the train that peeked out at us around her bodice and then protruded from the hip pouring a fountain of fabric down to the floor. She was elegance.
5. Penelope Cruz: It's taken me nearly a decade to forgive Cruz for her role in 2001's Blow, playing the coke head wife of Johnny Depp. It might sound ridiculous now, but it really pissed me off when she ratted out the delectable Mr. Depp in the middle of a coke rage. However, this dress, this masterpiece has completely made me do a 180 over this Oscar winning actress. Some critics believed she didn't pull off the asymmetrical bustline, but I couldn't disagree more. I thought it added a stylish and necessary twist. The rich color was perfect for her tanned skin, and the flowing skirt served as a welcome contrast to her wrapped, form-fitted bodice.

Oscars 2010: All That Glitters Is Gold...

This year, it was as if stylists turned to Oscar himself for inspiration. Metallics, golds, and shimmer were the big trends for the 2010 Oscars. Some stars had style, some flare, while others we wondered, "Why are they there?" We won't mention any names-Nicole Richie.

Yesterday, on the E's Countdown to the Red Carpet special, there were a few basic rules outlined for celebrities.

• No PR stunts (swan dresses, Obama dresses, etc)
• Keep your boobs to yourself
• The dress needs to be short or tight, but NEVER both
• Don't match your eye makeup to your dress: HOKY
• With accessories: Less is more

And while, crazily enough, these rules were pretty much followed-problems did hit the red carpet. Let's face it, sometimes runway doesn't translate to red carpet. Daring pick doesn't equal fabulous. And, safe doesn't mean your safe from criticism.

There's far too much to include in one post, but it's all coming, one triumph (or one mistake) at a time...

Valentine's Day...And Hold The Side Of Bitter

What is it about Valentine’s Day that makes people go so crazy (Like putting pictures of pigs, kittens, and meercats on their blog)? If your single, everyone else is in a relationship and you see the pity in their eyes as if they’re going to be on suicide watch till the 15th. But don’t let them fool you. Having somebody on Valentine’s Day sucks too because now you are forced to put your love on parade. You know, the bigger the show the bigger the love—obviously that’s true (see Princess Di and Prince Charles’s wedding). So, this year let us forget mere mortal love, which could disappear at any moment. Instead, let us focus on the following classic couples, who are so iconic, they shall endure the test of time.

1. Bert and Ernie: That’s right folks, gay, straight, doesn’t matter. Their love’s as classic as Sesame Street itself. Big Bird has nothing on these two.

2. Lucy and Ricky: Offstage these two had a tumultuous relationship, but onstage they clicked like no other married TV pair. Besides, we can’t help but watch to see if he’ll ever let her in the show. Babaloo.

3. Fred and Barney: Sure they had Wilma and Betty, but Fred and Barney were thick as thieves.

4. Wilma and Betty: These broads had to be tough to put up with Fred and Barney’s shenanigans. Did anybody ever figure out how those two got these babes?

5. Arsenio Hall and Eddie Murphy: I don’t care what anybody says, when those two started improving off one another back in the 80’s, it was pure comedic romance. If you’re too young to know what I mean, rent Coming to America.

6. Scorcese and Robert De Niro: These two made beautiful movies together. Raging Bull, Goodfellas, Taxi Driver, Mean Streets and The Godfather Part II. Okay, so he’s been replaced by Leo DiCaprio, but true movie buffs will never forget the original dynamite duo.

7. Thelma and Louise: That’s right damn’t. The law, abusive husbands, not even Brad Pitt could keep these two from being together. Not in this life or the next.

8. Chocolate and Peanut Butter: Some people say the Internet is the greatest invention ever. I say that person hasn’t had a Reese’s lately.

9. Al Gore and the Internet: Wait…That doesn’t make any sense.

10. Simon and Paula: Love ‘em or leave ‘em, there’s no denying that these two have had

sparks flying since 2002. Just do it already. And by do it, I mean sex.

11. Viagra and Old Men: Back in the 90’s when this was invented, the world was forever changed. Sure, we don’t have a cure for AIDS yet, but I’ll be damned if a man over 50 should endure a flaccid penis.

12. Jay and Conan: Up until six weeks ago, this was the best couple in late night television. Damn shame really, now it’s just Conan and his millions. Poor bastard.

13. T.O. and himself: Athletes aren’t typically known for low self-esteem as it is, but Terrell Owens, aka the Showboat, takes self love to a whole new level. He is the reason “excessive celebrating” can earn a penalty.

14. Peyton Manning and Bret Farve: So, this actually didn’t happen, but we would have loved to see these two greats face off in Super Bowl 44.

15. Scarlett O’Hara and Rhett Butler: If you don’t know who this is then you suck. Before Kristen and Rob, before Brad and Angelina, there was this brooding and intense couple. And guess what Rhett: We do give a damn.

16. Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio: This was Marilyn’s second husband. Yes, they did divorce, but after her death, he put a dozen roses on her grave three times a week for 20 years. Now that’s a special delivery.

17. George Bush and Condaleeza Rice: For eight years these two ran the free world…maybe not well, but they did run it.

18. Jager (or Vodka) and Red Bull: This drink, a perfect mix of alcohol and caffeine creates many a forgotten night and nothing says smart like a depressant and a stimulant. Riddle me this: If Red Bull is supposed to help your memory, why can’t I ever remember a night that involves these concoctions?

19. Batman and Robin: Over the years, Bruce has worked his way through many ladies, but the pairing of him and his trusty sidekick has always just worked.

And my personal favorite couple—

Saturday and Sunday: Without this couple, there would be seven days of rush hour traffic, seven days of work, and basically seven days of hell. No thank you, I’ll just stick with the typical five.

Maybe the answer to this Valentine’s Day debacle is focusing on all kinds of love, not just the candle-lit kind. This year can include other great loves in our lives, like great family, great friends, and even great food. Let’s face it, in many lives today, our greatest and most long-lasting relationships aren’t hardly the ones that end in “I do’s.” They’re more frequently the ones so special that they just don’t end.

A Bitter Valentine

Well it’s that time again. You just got your holiday decorations put away, you finally have a positive balance in your bank account, and bam! You look around only to find that the next “holiday” has arrived—Valentine’s Day. Ahhh yes, the big day rears its head again accompanied by oversized teddy bears, red roses, and endless calories. And while many to most celebrators are not Catholic, nor knowledgeable of St. Valentine, they all still line up with their message hearts in tow to pay homage to the day of love.

However, while for some “love is in the air”, the rest of us are choking on the fumes. So while young men are lining up buying a single rose and a box of condoms, and young women are dreaming of marriage proposals and other commitments, I have created an ultimate slasher film guide. Whether you’re single and tired of couple’s being thrown in your face, or whether you have a special someone and you’re just sick of manipulative marketing and “Hallmark Holidays”, the following list will take it all off your mind. As a special twist, my list will only include female killers. So join me as I ‘stick it to the man’!

1. Urban Legend (1998)
Murders on a college campus are eventually linked back to a pattern of urban legends.

2. Darkness Falls (2003)
The legend of the tooth fairy takes an eerie twist of betrayal, injustice, and ultimately
vengance.

3. The Uninvited (2009)
Two sisters believe their mother was killed by their father’s lover. As they search to find
answers, an even scarier secret is revealed.

4. Misery (1990)
An obsessed fan holds a retiring author hostage and tortures him to keep him writing.
(Whiner, I’d just be happy to have a fan.)

5. Carrie (1976)
A timid high school girl, raised by her fanatically religious mother, seeks revenge on fellow
students who relentlessly torture her.

6. Hush…Hush, Sweet Charlotte (1964)
Charlotte (Bette Davis) becomes a suspect for the second time in 40 years over the death of a
former lover. As she creeps further into insanity, greedy bystanders await in the wings for
her ultimate destruction.

7. Flowers in the Attic (1987)
After their father’s death, four children return to the mansion where their mother was raised.
The mother turns a blind eye as their grandmother locks them in the attic and abuses them,
so that they can inherit the family fortune.

8. Alice, Sweet Alice (1979)
A mysterious young girl is the number one suspect in the death of her older sister, and as the
body count rises, she appears less and less innocent.

9. May (2002)
A lonely girl with a difficult childhood slowly unravels as she tries to connect with other people,
but scares them off with her weird behavior. After one too many rejections she falls into a
deranged and psychotic downward spiral.

10. Day of the Woman, AKA I Spit On Your Grave (1978)
A woman is raped and humiliated by a group of men after moving away from the city to
finish her book. After healing, she seeks revenge on each man in varying degrees of psychotic
torture.

In spirit of this holiday and my movie marathon, I wrote a little poem:

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

Mess with this bitch,

and she just might kill you.

Happy Valentine's Day

The September Issue

Check out The September Issue review I wrote for Creative Loafing today. For anybody that's into fashion, you should definately get a hold of this movie. It's the complete, behind-the-scene peek you always wanted.

(Photo Roadside Attractions)

Posting With Creative Loafing

As of this week, I have been interning at Creative Loafing for one month. Today, I got to post my first blog consisting of my own work. If your curious, just go to to Culture Surfing.

• You should check out Culture Surfing anyway. Despite what many suburbanites think, there is an active and very eclectic art scene happening right here in our very own Atlanta. Culture Surfing keeps you up-to-date on all these artsy events, as well as keeps readers aware of various local artists.

A Plea to Girls In Tights

First, I want to say tights are a miracle fashion that any size girl can embrace. For well over a year (longer for true fashionistas) girls have paraded around in these (mainly) slimming, very forgiving must-have accessory. And as time goes on, we are blessed with many more types. Now that opaque tights are at their height of popularity, girls have many spices to pick from (sporty, spicy, ginger?). For quite a while they have been found with studs, rips, patterns, you name it, they have it.

The good thing is that tights are not sizest. By sizest I mean one can weigh more than two pounds and not look like a whale in them. And for those who haven't discovered the beauty of a belt, it can create a finished look, and hide that area in your middle that tights tend to hug.

While I was shocked (and thrilled might I add) to find that tights would endure another season, there are a few rules to live by when wearing them.

• I realize I just said they are size friendly, but remember that any size can be made to look bigger. So if you don't wear a belt around your middle, try to find a nice cardigan to wear, or don't be afraid to wear a size 8 when you're really a size 7. Do whatever is necessary to not show off that muffin top created by the low-rise jean phenomenon. Tights (that are too tight) can create the same issue.
• Certain fabrics should never be worn. I mean leather, pleather, vinyl, or any of their cousins. They certainly shouldn't be worn across a woman's larger parts. Even thin women can look larger in pleather. So, if you are larger, please, please don't do it. If you are thin, have some sense, and don't do it. It is not Halloween.
• Finally, and this is the biggest one. TIGHTS ARE NOT PANTS. Notice in the beginning, I called them accessories. Whoever gets up in the morning and throws on a pair of tights and a shirt should be ticketed. Why? Because it doesn't matter if you are two pounds, or 2oo pounds, nobody needs to know that much about you. I don't need to know what you ate for lunch yesterday. I don't need to know the whereabouts of your privates. And I certainly don't need to count the dimples on your ass. Even if you have the most perfect body on the face of this planet, do the planet a favor and put on a skirt, buy a longer top, or change into some jeans.

Please, please, please, do not ruin this trend for the rest of us. It is sure to burn out quickly. But, I doubt that any designer or fashion expert will continue making and suggesting something that is so brutally abused. It's tricky, I know, but your ass (literally) has crossed the line.

New Correct Response to the Sneeze

I need to know the new protocol. When someone sneezes you used to say 'God bless you'. Now I understand that not everyone believes in a higher being, so long ago I dropped it to just 'bless you'. Although, I must admit that like comedian Dane Cook, I don't exactly like blessing someone because I'm not God. It feels a bit sanctimonious. But lately, I've been noticing that people don't even respond anymore to 'bless you'. So much so, that I'm beginning to feel a little self conscious. Is it anyone who says this common phrase? Is it just me? Do I smell?

Over time words and sayings take on new meanings. In puritan-colonial days, to call someone a hussy meant a housewife. To call someone a hussy today means you're about to get bitch slapped. Hermaphrodite is no longer an acceptable term. It is now appropriate to call that condition intersex. And so forth and so on.

So, what would be worse? To offend someone unknowingly, or to be that jackass that says nothing when someone sneezes?

Other options: Salut? No, I feel like that lame ass that says hola instead of hello. Not that Spanish is lame, it's actually a beautiful language, but it's not cute when that person is some American who literally only knows that one word in Spanish.

Gazoontite? No, that makes the loser who says salut seem like a badass. Although, gazoontite literally means that you wish them good health. Perhaps that's the message we want to send, therefore leaving an uncomfortable religious conversation far away. Then again 'I wish you good health' isn't a far cry from 'live long and prosper'.

Perhaps, we should all switch over to a more positive and cheering-style method. Maybe a fist pump and an ol' 'Wooh, way to expell that mucus!" or 'Nice snot rocket!' Nahhhh. I guess for now, I'll keep saying 'Bless You', and they'll keep saying nothing. Hey, why ruin a good thing. Good manners is so 2007.

Pet Peeve of the Week

It truly bothers me, no, shakes me to the core, when I'm in the restroom, and it occurs to me that women (because I go to the woman's restroom) do not know how to properly act. Perhaps, for those who haven't been taught any better, we should make a rule list and attach it to the back of the stall door, so that ignorance may no longer be an excuse. My list would look something like this:

1. If you are a squatter, you are part of the problem, NOT part of the solution. Dare I say, you are the biggest problem because it is YOU that can't make it IN the toilet and ME that suffers the repercussions of your narcissism.
Solution: Put down a toilet seat cover. No toilet seat cover? Put down toilet paper. No toilet paper? Why are you still in this stall? But if you choose to stay, put your ass on the seat as the original inventor planned. Besides, if one's ass CHEEK has a disease, then we as a society have larger problems.

2. Put your trash in the trash can. I don't know how much simpler to make it.
Solution: If you are a germaphopic (I mean cautious about germs) and need that paper towel to turn the water on and open the door and there is no trash can by the door, take the paper towel with you and dispose of it in the NEXT trashcan. Don't leave it for others to clean up. Chances are IT ACTUALLY IS NOT THEIR JOB. Even if it was, good God they clean bathrooms, must you make their lives worse.

3. Don't urinate the floor. The fact that I need to say this appalls me. Oh it was probably a child you say, then riddle me this: Why does it happen on college campuses where there are few to no children?
Solution: Urinate in the toilet.

4. Do not be disgusting. Of course, I don't want to gross anyone out, so let me put this as abstract as possible: Being a woman entails private things. Let us all keep them private and not share them with the next restroom visitor.

5. Flush the toilet. I continue to try and wrap my mind around this one. Your lazy. You thought it did flush. You don't want touch the handle.
Solution: Don't be. You didn't. Use your foot.

There are other atrocities that occur in restrooms all over this nation every day. We all hate nasty restrooms, but following these five simple rules could make all of our lives a little easier. Be considerate of those that follow you, and don't take for granted the luxury of public bathrooms. Be polite to those in the restroom with you, and the next time you urinate on the seat and leave it, know this: I'm right behind you and cursing your name.