Well it’s that time again. You just got your holiday decorations put away, you finally have a positive balance in your bank account, and bam! You look around only to find that the next “holiday” has arrived—Valentine’s Day. Ahhh yes, the big day rears its head again accompanied by oversized teddy bears, red roses, and endless calories. And while many to most celebrators are not Catholic, nor knowledgeable of St. Valentine, they all still line up with their message hearts in tow to pay homage to the day of love.
However, while for some “love is in the air”, the rest of us are choking on the fumes. So while young men are lining up buying a single rose and a box of condoms, and young women are dreaming of marriage proposals and other commitments, I have created an ultimate slasher film guide. Whether you’re single and tired of couple’s being thrown in your face, or whether you have a special someone and you’re just sick of manipulative marketing and “Hallmark Holidays”, the following list will take it all off your mind. As a special twist, my list will only include female killers. So join me as I ‘stick it to the man’!
1. Urban Legend (1998)
Murders on a college campus are eventually linked back to a pattern of urban legends.
2. Darkness Falls (2003)
The legend of the tooth fairy takes an eerie twist of betrayal, injustice, and ultimately
vengance.
3. The Uninvited (2009)
Two sisters believe their mother was killed by their father’s lover. As they search to find
answers, an even scarier secret is revealed.
4. Misery (1990)
An obsessed fan holds a retiring author hostage and tortures him to keep him writing.
(Whiner, I’d just be happy to have a fan.)
5. Carrie (1976)
A timid high school girl, raised by her fanatically religious mother, seeks revenge on fellow
students who relentlessly torture her.
6. Hush…Hush, Sweet Charlotte (1964)
Charlotte (Bette Davis) becomes a suspect for the second time in 40 years over the death of a
former lover. As she creeps further into insanity, greedy bystanders await in the wings for
her ultimate destruction.
7. Flowers in the Attic (1987)
After their father’s death, four children return to the mansion where their mother was raised.
The mother turns a blind eye as their grandmother locks them in the attic and abuses them,
so that they can inherit the family fortune.
8. Alice, Sweet Alice (1979)
A mysterious young girl is the number one suspect in the death of her older sister, and as the
body count rises, she appears less and less innocent.
9. May (2002)
A lonely girl with a difficult childhood slowly unravels as she tries to connect with other people,
but scares them off with her weird behavior. After one too many rejections she falls into a
deranged and psychotic downward spiral.
10. Day of the Woman, AKA I Spit On Your Grave (1978)
A woman is raped and humiliated by a group of men after moving away from the city to
finish her book. After healing, she seeks revenge on each man in varying degrees of psychotic
torture.
In spirit of this holiday and my movie marathon, I wrote a little poem:
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Mess with this bitch,
and she just might kill you.
Happy Valentine's Day
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